Common Parenting Pitfalls: What's yours?
As parents we are each unique in our own way. We each want to nurture our children to the best of our ability. Most could agree that we are doing our best to raise our children in a way that will ensure a happy and healthy future. At the same time, none of us are perfect and honestly, that shouldn’t be the goal.
What should be the goal is to be the best parent we can be to each of our children. What works for one parent-child dynamic may differ from the other, AND THAT’S OKAY!
With that said many parents have common “pitfalls” that can actually create more chaos in our home. Let me be the first to say, “ME TOO”! Yes, even as a parent coach I still fall into the pit now and again. It’s just part of parenting. That’s why we all need a village!
So what are the common pitfalls of parenting?
The Drill Sergeant
Most parents hope to raise a child with a strong backbone so that they can withstand the trials they’ll face later in life. They view their child as capable and see challenges as a chance to teach lessons and build character. However, some parents fall into the trap of constantly barking out commands. Often times, they expect their child to fall in-line and obey orders. They tend to have high expectations, but they rarely give their child a chance to make mistakes. Instead they create shame and fear around “getting it wrong” or “messing up”. The result can vary but for some it can be devastating. Children who are raised in authoritarian homes are more likely to suffer from anxiety and depression later in life. They tend to question every decision they make and they struggle to find their place in the world. If this is your common pitfall a growth area for you would be to exercise more empathy and curiosity in your parenting.
As parents we really don’t like seeing our children upset or hurt. It’s just our nature. We want to protect our children from harm and we take pride in setting an environment where they can feel safe to grow and learn. At times we can take this too far. At its core, most parents who fall into this trap experience a lot of fear. Perhaps it came from their own childhood experiences. They may have a deep set view of the world as being generally unsafe. They tend to compensate by gaining control and rescuing their child from their mistakes often. This inadvertently communicates to the child that they are not capable of solving their own problems, therefor they should always look to their parent to make stressful moments better. As a result, children who grow up with “helicopter” parenting tend to have lower self-esteem and lower rates of achievement later in life.
If this is your common pitfall a growth area for you would be to brainstorm where you can allow some affordable mistakes, and where you can start encouraging your child to solve the problems they create.
Okay, I will just go ahead and admit right now, this is the category where I can relate the most…
This is a common pitfall for highly sensitive parents. Highly sensitive parents tend to be SO in-tune with their children that their energy gets drained by their child’s feelings. As most of us know, children’s moods tend to shift pretty often. Parents who fall into this trap can end up on the same roller coaster ride, swinging from one extreme to the other. In moments of stress they will either bark out orders like a drill sergeant or they will attempt to prevent difficult moments by swooping down and solving problems. The result is an environment where children have too much power over their parent. Children who grow up with inconsistent parenting are less likely to respect boundaries later in life. They tend to have struggles in the workplace and in their relationships because they feel unjustifiably entitled.
If this is your common pitfall, a growth area for you would be to create stronger boundaries so that you can preserve your energy and be more consistent.
If we are being honest with ourselves, we all fall into one of these categories. Should we feel shame over it? ABSOLUTELY NOT! Instead, we can recognize where our opportunities for growth are, and seek more tools and support where we need it.
Over the last 2 years I have watched parents and children suffer tremendously. Many parents have been in survival mode for far too long and it's impacting our children in a way that we MUST respond to! If we have learned anything it’s that we cannot rely solely on our children’s educators and caregivers to fix the problem. It all starts in the home.
That’s why I have compiled my most common parenting strategies into a 6 week online course. The tools I will teach you have proven to bring more harmony to the homes of the parents I have coached over the last 5 years. If you can relate to any of the parenting pitfalls mentioned above, I guarantee this course will help!
Yes, it takes a village and that’s what this course is all about. When we come together and offer support, we can conquer any parenting challenge that comes our way. And most importantly, we can raise children who will be set up for health, happiness, and success later in life!
Will you join us?