Why Our Best Efforts as Parents Sometimes Fail, and How to Power Through.
You're a wonderful parent with the best of intentions. You notice your approach with your child may need some adjusting. And that’s because you’re so in-tune! You want to raise a happy and healthy child.
And yet when you make that valiant effort, it seems to be met with complete resistance. It can make it feel like your very best efforts are ineffective, leaving you hopeless on this journey of child rearing. But here’s the deal… YOU ARE NOT ALONE! And there is hope!
Let me tell you why this happens and how to power through... because there is no such thing as failure, only learning.
Why do our best parenting efforts sometimes feel like an epic failure?
Familiarity & Predictability
Children learn how the world works based off of what’s become familiar to them. They like predictability. So, when you try to incorporate change the most likely result will be to see resistance from your child. And yes, this goes for positive change too! Any type of change is a disruption to the system, so children will naturally push back in a subconscious effort to get things back to the way they were. This is why things sometimes seem like they’re getting worse, before they get better.
Here’s an example: A parent I was working with was searching for techniques to replace spanking. She felt spanking just wasn’t a productive technique to teach her child. She began using the Love & Logic skills I taught her. “Room time” is one of them. So, her daughter was sent off to her room until she could be calm for 5 minutes. Her mom was glad she didn’t lose her own temper and felt she handled this new approach really well, until….. her daughter came running out of her room saying “Mommy, can you please just spank me so I can come out of my room?”
I’m sure that was a bit of a shock! You see, moments like this can make it hard to keep using the new skill. It’s important to understand that things may become difficult in the short term, before you see the long term benefit.
We Lack Consistency & Give Up Too Soon
This goes hand in hand with the story above. It’s hard to be consistent when our best efforts are met with whining, arguing, tantrums, and meltdowns. Creating change is not easy when our world has become so accustomed to instant gratification. But parenting doesn’t exist in a microwave.
Success happens when we commit and stick to the plan. There will be bumps in the road and mistakes, yes! However, old habits are changed with repetition and diligence so it’s best to persevere. When you do, you’ll see how you have the power to change the narrative in your home. When you are consistent, what is familiar and predictable will begin to shift in your child's eyes as well.
We Try to Change Too Much at Once
Parents sometimes come to me looking for an "easy" crash course in Love & Logic or my 9 core principles for Empowered Parenting, but here’s the deal. There is no crash course. EEK! Sorry to break it to ya!
The issue here is that when we try to cram too many new skills in at once, we can’t truly apply them well. To set yourself up for success, try implementing one new skill at a time. This will ensure that you are able to see the full benefit. Also, every family is different so what works really well for some may not work for others. It’s easier to make minor tweaks when you’re implementing one new parenting tool at a time.
We Don’t Have Support
You hear me say it all the time; it takes a village to raise a child! Sure, there are successful solo parents out there, but every parent needs the support of community, friends, family, and sometimes even professionals.
When you are trying to achieve a new dynamic with your child its best to make sure all the right people are on board. This is why I work with parents AND teachers in my community. When everyone is on the same page, what the child sees is consistency and unity. It creates familiarity and predictability, which as I mentioned before, is what a child really craves!
We Are Fearful
I think sometimes as parents we are fearful of “messing up” our children. We try something new and when we experience push back, we give up and shift to the next new thing. But let me tell you, there is a divine reason your child was given to YOU! You were meant for your child and your child was meant for you. If I could give you one piece of advice on this parenting journey it would be to trust your instinct! Trust that you know what’s best and run everything through that filter.
Have you been craving connection and support on your parenting journey? I’ve worked hard to create options for all parents so that everyone can experience the support of our village. Enrollment is currently open for our Strong-willed Child Group and our Group Parent Coaching Program and we would LOVE to have you join us!
Not sure what kind of support you need? Book a free consultation with me HERE!
Here's to joyful homes and happy parenting!